


a high and lonesome sound

by growlery



Series: Get a boyfriend. [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-04
Updated: 2012-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growlery/pseuds/growlery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine's boyfriend breaks up with him, Merlin's just making everything worse and Percival is the only one with half a clue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a high and lonesome sound

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the summerpornathon charity challenge, as a fill for [this](http://kinkme-merlin.livejournal.com/32238.html?thread=32549358#t32549358) prompt. It mostly stands alone; reading Get a boyfriend isn't necessary to understand. Title is from High Lonesome by the Gaslight Anthem.

Gwaine's curled up on the sofa when Merlin lets himself into his and Percival's flat. At first Merlin thinks he's asleep – when Percival told Merlin to go over and check on him, he said he was pretty sure Gwaine hadn't slept all night – but when he goes around it to rearrange Gwaine's limbs into something more comfortable and throw a blanket over him, Gwaine's eyes are open, staring woodenly into the distance. 

"Shit," Merlin says. Gwaine doesn't look up, not even when Merlin sits between his stomach and his legs and rubs his back. "You wanna talk about it?"

Gwaine shakes his head, but he presses back into Merlin's hand. Merlin rubs a little harder, working his fingers into the tension in Gwaine's shoulders, his neck, scritching at the base of his neck. Gwaine makes this little sighing noise and Merlin tangles his fingers into Gwaine's hair, combing through it over and over. 

"Percy got fed up of me, didn't he," Gwaine says, after a minute. "Sent you over to take over baby-sitting duties."

Merlin cuffs him on the back of the head; Gwaine mutters, "Ow," but he sounds a little more like himself, a little. 

"Idiot," Merlin tells him. "He called me because he had to work and he's worried about you. Why didn't you tell me George broke up with you?"

Gwaine stiffens, and Merlin goes back to stroking his hair in apology. 

"Didn't feel like it was anything worth telling," Gwaine says, and his voice is light but if he genuinely thinks Merlin buys it he's a fool. "People break up with me all the time."

"Gwaine," Merlin sighs. 

"I kind of thought I'd got lucky, this time. But I should know by now they always leave," Gwaine says quietly. "Why do they always leave?"

"Because they're idiots," Merlin says fiercely, and god he _hates_ seeing Gwaine like this, tired and miserable and defeated. 

Gwaine huffs a laugh. "At this point, mate," he says, "I think I have to accept I'm the problem. Common denominator, right?"

"Gwaine," Merlin says, helpless, because Gwaine is effortlessly funny and loyal to a fault and would be the most genuinely sweet person Merlin knows if that pool didn't also include Elena. "You can't honestly believe that."

"Can't I?" Gwaine's voice is so, so quiet, like it'll break if he speaks any louder. "It makes sense."

Merlin wants to hit him again, but he's pretty sure that wouldn't help. He grabs a clump of Gwaine's hair instead and pulls, just a little, just enough to hurt. Gwaine mutters, "Ow," again, but doesn't try and pull away, and Merlin loosens his grip. 

This is the part where Merlin would usually get Gwaine up to take him out to get shit-faced and have a probably inadvisable one night stand with the first person who wants to take him home, but he doesn't think that's what Gwaine needs this time. 

Merlin's still got Gwaine by the hair so he tugs again to lift Gwaine's head, turning him round to face him with his other hand. Gwaine's eyes are red-rimmed, either from crying or exhaustion or both, and he's almost bitten through his bottom lip. 

"Gwaine," Merlin says, very seriously, about to launch into a whole diatribe about why Gwaine is awesome and just has shitty taste in people, when Gwaine surges up and kisses him, a hand on the back of Merlin's neck. 

Merlin thinks _huh, maybe he did need a rebound after all_ and kisses back. His next thought is something along the lines of _wow, Gwaine's exes really are idiots if they gave this up_ because Gwaine is kind of a great kisser and Merlin isn't all that capable of coherent thought right now. 

When they break apart, Gwaine rests his head against Merlin's shoulder, breathing heavily, but steadily. Merlin rubs his back, whispers, "Better?" and Gwaine freezes. 

"I- yeah," he says eventually, lifting his head to smile at Merlin. "Much. Thank you."

"Any time," Merlin says, grinning back. "This mean I don't have to break out the ice cream and mindless action movies?"

Gwaine laughs. "I think I'm okay," he says. "You don't have to stay, you've done- more than enough."

Merlin narrows his eyes. "Are you trying to get rid of me? Because it won't work, you know, I'm under strict instructions from Percival not to let you drown in your emo by yourself."

Gwaine snorts. "I'll be fine, trust me," he assures Merlin. "I should go to bed, I'm exhausted, and you've got better things to do than watch me sleep." He waggles his eyebrows, grinning. "Unless you're into that, of course."

Merlin laughs. "I think I'll leave you to it," he says. "If you're sure you'll be all right on your own."

Merlin's expecting Gwaine to roll his eyes, to say he didn't need a baby-sitter before and he sure as shit doesn't need one now, so he's kind of surprised when Gwaine only gives him a wry sort of smile and says, "Yeah. I'm sure."

~

Merlin meets Mithian going down the stairs on his way up to his own flat. She greets him in her usual kind, friendly way, but then she gets this weirdly sympathetic look on her face and says, "You were just with Gwaine, right?"

"Yeah," Merlin says, thinking she must have heard about George dumping him – news spreads fast round their block of flats. "He's okay now, though, I think."

Mithian doesn't look any less sympathetic. "And what about you?"

"Um." Merlin's brow furrows. "I'm fine?"

Mithian heaves a sigh, says, "Of course you are," and gathers Merlin into a hug. Merlin hugs her back because he never turns down a good hug, and Mithian gives _great_ hugs, but he's still kind of confused. 

Mithian's just that nice, he figures, and decides not to dwell on it. 

~

"I'm back," Merlin calls, shrugging off his jacket on his way into the flat. 

Arthur grunts vaguely in acknowledgement from the sofa, a noticeable Gwen-shaped space next to him. Merlin frowns. 

"Tell me you haven't broken up too, _please_."

"What are you- oh," Arthur says, rolling his eyes. "No, Merlin. She's just spending time with her friends. She does do that sometimes, you know."

Merlin raises an eyebrow, but very gracefully refrains from mentioning that they've been all but physically attached at the hip – and, um, other places – for the three weeks they've been dating. They're kind of grudgingly adorable, and that's the only reason their friends haven't got sick of it yet. 

"Good to know," he says instead. "I'm not sure I could deal with more heartbreak today."

Arthur snorts. "Gwaine's hardly heartbroken," he says. "I'm sure he's over it already, knowing him. How long did he and that Gary person go out, anyway?"

"George," Merlin corrects, "and they were together for nearly a month." _Longer than you and Gwen, even_ , he doesn't add, because Arthur's largely stopped throwing things at him when Merlin pisses him off but Merlin doesn't want to risk it. "Gwaine seemed really upset."

Arthur scoffs, says, "He does have quite the tendency for the dramatics."

(Merlin thinks of Gwaine curled up on his sofa, curled _in_ on himself, and kind of wants to punch Arthur. Merlin knows most people think Gwaine's not the serious relationship type and, yeah, he used to think that too, that Gwaine just fucked people and fell into something more serious by accident, but Merlin knows better, now. Gwaine falls in love at the drop of a hat, at the quirk of a smile, and he falls hard. It's one of his best qualities, as much as it aches to watch sometimes.)

"I mean," Arthur continues, "he never stops to consider the repercussions for the people who care about him." He looks at Merlin significantly. "He doesn't seem to care if _other people_ are upset."

"He does," Merlin says indignantly, because Gwaine is a _very_ caring person, even to Arthur. They didn't really get on at first but Merlin thought they at least vaguely liked each other, had started to reach something approaching mutual respect. 

Arthur sighs, very heavily, and then he- he gets up off the sofa and wraps his arms around Merlin. It's a really kind of awkward hug, and Arthur's elbow's kind of digging into Merlin's ribs but a hug it nonetheless is.

Arthur is hugging him. _Arthur_. Mithian was nothing compared to this; at least Mithian had some precedent for random displays of affection.

Arthur pulls away quickly. "Are you okay?" he asks, very seriously, and Merlin just nods. His friends are so weird. Arthur breathes a sigh of relief, says, "Oh thank goodness, I really don't want to have to do that again. But Gwen said I should be more supportive about this, so." He shrugs.

Merlin has no idea what that means. "I have no idea what that means," he says, and Arthur rolls his eyes, but in his grudgingly affectionate way, not his I-am-surrounded-by-idiots way.

"Of course you don't," Arthur says, and motions for Merlin to join him on the sofa so they can watch Mock the Week reruns on Dave.

~

Merlin texts Gwaine before his lecture on ancient Egyptian mythology. _You okay? I can still bring ice cream and/or Steven Seagal as necessary_. Merlin's not really expecting a reply yet because the lucky sod has the morning free and then a tutorial in the afternoon, so he probably hasn't even thought about getting up yet. 

He catches sight of Percival amidst the crowd of people filing into the lecture hall and waves, but Percival turns his head away. Merlin frowns, but figures he didn't recognise Merlin and thought it was some weirdo waving at him. Fair enough, really.

Merlin makes a point of finding him after the lecture, though, because Gwaine hasn't texted him back and that's weird. Percival blanches when he sees Merlin, which is also weird, but Merlin is on a mission here so he tries not to let it throw him off.

"Hey," he says cheerfully. "Great lecture, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Percival says, "it was really interesting." Merlin doesn't think he's imagining how uncomfortable Percival looks.

"I was just wondering if Gwaine's okay," Merlin says. "Should I stay with him tonight as well? You are working again, aren't you?"

"I- Merlin." Percival is very studiously looking at a point above Merlin's head. "No, you really shouldn't. You should probably stay away for a while, actually, because I mostly like you and I don't want to have to break your legs."

Merlin frowns. "Is this because I left Gwaine by himself last night?" he asks after a moment. "I know I shouldn't have, but he promised he'd be fine and-"

Percival blows out an impatient breath. "No, Merlin," he says, rather pointedly, "this is not about that."

"Oh." Merlin frowns harder. Percival's huge and kind of terrifying-looking, but he's probably the least violent person Merlin knows. He must have done something really awful if Percival's threatening to break his legs. "What, then? Whatever it is, I'm sure it was an accident and I'm very sorry?"

Percival stares at him, incredulous, for a few moments. "You really don't know, do you," he says eventually. "Gwaine was serious."

"Gwaine?" Merlin says, alarmed. "What did I do to him?"

"You _kissed_ him," Percival says, like this should be obvious.

"Well, technically I kissed him back," Merlin says, because it's true, but Percival just makes an impatient noise. "Should I not have done that?"

"No, Merlin," Percival says, "no you really shouldn't have. I told you to help him, not make him worse."

Merlin frowns. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Percival says, and he sounds nothing like Arthur did. "You know, everyone thinks you're the victim here, but they have no idea." Merlin's frown deepens, and Percival sighs. "Just. Stay away from him for a bit, okay? You owe him that much."

"I- okay," Merlin says, subdued, because he might not understand anything else but he understands hurt, and he understands Gwaine. "I'm sorry. Whatever I did, I didn't- I'm sorry."

Percival looks exhausted for a moment. "Yeah," he says, "I know."

Then he pulls Merlin into a tight, brief hug like Merlin wasn't confused enough already, and leaves.

~

Staying away from Gwaine turns out to be surprisingly hard. Or, well, maybe it shouldn't be surprising since they live in the same building with virtually all their mutual friends, but still. It's hard not to text Gwaine every inane thought that passes his mind. It's hard not to poke his head into Gwaine and Percival's on his way to the shops to see if they need anything. It's hard to see him around campus and have to turn in the other direction.

It's _hard_ , because Gwaine is- was- _is_ one of Merlin's closest friends and after only a few days without seeing him, Merlin feels like he's missing a limb. After a week, it feels like something's been torn out of him and his chest wasn't sewn up properly, the rest of his innards poking out of the hole. (Or maybe some other less disturbing metaphor, since it's very possible he's spent too long working - _working_ , this is what this whole business has reduced him to - on his essay on common imagery in mythology.)

And then, a week and three days after Percival warned Merlin off, Gwen comes over to Merlin and Arthur's for more than just hanging out. Merlin is mostly resigned to his fate by now, and it's not like they've spent a whole lot of time together recently, so he just waves off Gwen's apologetic look and very gracefully leaves the flat.

It's only when the door's closed behind him that he realises he has nowhere to go.

Okay, that's kind of an exaggeration since there are plenty of places he _could_ go, but there aren't all that many places he _wants_ to go. (That's probably because the only place he really, really wants to go right now is the only place he can't, but, still.)

He heads downstairs, and stops on the second floor instead of the first.

"Hi," he says, when Lancelot opens the door. "Can I hide out here until Gwen and Arthur finish having what is probably very filthy sex in our flat?"

Lancelot blanches, and Merlin belatedly realises he could've been more sensitive about that since Lancelot has a very huge, very doomed crush on Gwen. (He swears he's long over it, that he's happy Gwen's found someone so good for her, but Merlin doesn't believe the look he gets on his face when he says it.)

"Of course," Lancelot says, because he is a great friend, and ushers Merlin in.

Elena's sitting on the floor typing something on her laptop, but she looks up and frowns at Merlin when he walks in. 

"Hey, Merlin," she says. "Not that it's not lovely to see you, but shouldn't you be at Gwaine's?"

Merlin shrugs awkwardly, catching the look Lancelot gives her out of the corner of his eye. "I'm kind of avoiding him, actually," he mumbles. "It sucks."

Elena's face softens instantly and she puts her laptop aside to get up and hug him. "Oh Merlin," she mumbles into his neck, "I'm so sorry."

Lancelot squeezes Merlin's arm; Elena's kind of got the monopoly on Merlin-hugging at the moment. "Is it over for good?" he asks, looking sympathetic.

Merlin shrugs as best he can with Elena still clutching him. Elena's hugs are the best hugs, warm and soft and tight in the right places, but they're not exactly conducive to free movement.

"I don't know," he says honestly. "I hope not. I really, really miss him."

Elena's grip on him tightens, momentarily. "Fuck him," she says, kind of oddly fierce, and Merlin shakes his head.

"I'm pretty sure it's my fault, actually," he says quietly. "I'm not all that sure what I've done, but Percival was quite clear it was me doing the doing. So to speak."

"What could you have done?" Lancelot reasons. "How could you possibly have hurt him more than he's hurt you?"

Merlin frowns. "He hasn't-"

"I just hope," Elena says, "that now you can find someone much better for you, someone who actually deserves you."

"I- what?" Merlin says, utterly perplexed.

"You are going to date other people now, right?" Elena asks, uncertain. "Now that you've broken up? Not that being in a relationship ever stopped-"

"Now that we've _what_?" Merlin's pretty sure his eyes are huge. "Elena, Gwaine and I didn't break up. We've never- god, we've never been _in a relationship_ , what do you even-"

"Merlin," Lancelot says, and he actually looks disappointed, "we know you didn't want to tell us but we know, everyone knows. You don't have to hide, or be ashamed."

"I'm not!" Merlin runs a hand through his hair, his eyes wide. "We really honestly are not and have never been together, how could you think we were?"

"Oh, I don't know," Elena retorts, "maybe it's the fact that you're always together, or that you have no concept of personal space around each other, or the way you look at each other like you're the only people in the world?" 

"We just thought you didn't want to say so Gwaine could keep dating other people," Lancelot says. 

Merlin gapes at them, the pieces finally, finally sliding into place. "Oh my god," he says eventually. This actually makes a lot of sense - the everyone-thinking-he-and-Gwaine-were-married thing, not them actually being, apparently, married - but there's still some things which don't quite fit.

And then Merlin hears Percival say _everyone thinks you're the victim_ and cold, blinding clarity washes over him.

"I have to- go," he says suddenly. "Sorry, guys, but thanks for the chat, it was very... enlightening."

He kisses the top of Elena's head and then Lancelot's cheek and sprints out of the flat and down the stairs, taking them two at a time. 

Merlin slows down when he gets to the door to Gwaine and Percival's flat, taking out his key to quietly let himself in. Gwaine still looks kind of stunned when Merlin shuts the door behind him, though. 

"Hi," he says, after a minute. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I was," Merlin says, "sorry. I thought it would help? Or, well, Percival thought it would help, and I agreed?"

Gwaine's face darkens. "Percival. I'm going to _kill_ him."

"He was worried about you," Merlin says quickly, "and I- Gwaine, I'm so sorry. I really didn't know everyone thought we were dating, and I didn't know you-"

"It's fine," Gwaine interrupts, with a smile that's definitely forced. "Really, Merlin, you don't have to-"

"Just let me finish, okay? You're one of my closest friends, and you know I care about you and stuff, but-"

"But not like that," Gwaine finishes. "It's _fine_ , Merlin, honestly, just-"

Merlin makes an impatient noise, because Gwaine is _not getting it_ , and drags him into a kiss. It's much more forceful than last time, their teeth clacking and their noses bumping, but Gwaine doesn't pull away or flinch back like Merlin was expecting, and after a moment Merlin relaxes and his mouth gentles and the kiss turns into something sweeter. 

"You didn't let me finish," Merlin says when they eventually part, but it's kind of hard to sound indignant when he's so breathless. "I was trying to say that I'd never seriously thought about you like that because, okay, I've seen the people you tend to go out with and I'm pretty well acquainted with my own reflection and I-"

"Merlin-"

"It just never seemed like an option," Merlin continues determinedly. "But now, I... I was kind of wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me. Or, well. Since we've apparently been doing that already, if you'd be my boyfriend. Like, officially. Preferably in a capacity which involves orgasms, sometimes?"

Gwaine just stares at him for a few moments, and then he says, "You are _unbelievable_ ," and kisses Merlin again. 

"I'm going to take that as a yes," Merlin mumbles against his mouth, and grins when Gwaine just groans.


End file.
